The Blues music

If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pounds."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You're stuck in a ditch, you're stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis .

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues (a) highway (b) jailhouse (c) empty bed (d)bottom of a whiskey glass.

11. Bad places for the Blues (a) Nordstrom's (b) gallery openings (c) Ivy League institutions (d) golf courses.

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if: (a) you're older than dirt (b) you're blind (c) you shot a man in Memphis (d) you can't be satisfied.
No, if: (a) you have all your teeth (b) you once were blind but now can see (c) the man in Memphis lived (d) you have a 401K or trust fund.

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: (a) cheap wine (b) whiskey or bourbon (c) muddy water (d) black coffee.
The following are NOT Blues beverages: (a) Perrier (b) Chardonnay (c) Snapple (d) Slim Fast

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues eath. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction .

17. Some Blues names for women: (a) Sadie (b) Big Mama (c) Bessie (d) Fat River Dumpling

18. Some Blues names for men: (a) Joe (b) Willie (c) Little Willie (d) Big Willie

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Blues Name Starter Kit: (a) name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) (b) first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,Peach, etc.) (c) last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Pegleg Lime Johnson or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.

21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

very funny!

greets Armless Apple Clinton...

Is Deaf Mango Lincoln too "chick" for the Blues?
I don't think Tavo can be Blues since he drinks scotch. Scotch isn't a Blues-y drink.
What if you CAN'T drink whiskey anymore? Since the whole Jack Daniels incident a few years ago, that is??? Wait, I do drink cheap wine...so I'm ok there.
This is cool! Me like!
Deaf Mango Lincoln likes blues!!

Woke up this mornin '
I dont know why
When I went to bed last night ,I prayed that I would die
I got the blues , Yeah I've had 'em most my life
When I woke up this mornin
First thing I saw was my big fat lazy wife


I actually wrote this , right now
I will now copyright it. The above Lyrics are the sole property of Lord Vincent Blackshadow.
By the way My actual wife is a petite lovely woman and far from lazy.

ohhh and then there's blues dancing...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNVpNbZrcX8


C

enjay07 wrote:

Is Deaf Mango Lincoln too "chick" for the Blues?
I don't think Tavo can be Blues since he drinks scotch. Scotch isn't a Blues-y drink.
!

..hmm I feel a song coming on.

what if the tax man took my money
and done drank up all da scotch. Aint it the
blues that I be a singin, if my bottle
dont got one drop?

I's too po' now to buy dat liquor,
and the night train a'gone passing by
so it sho' is the blues I'm singin,
s' just a good man feeling down.

3 chords sez its truth now sister, 3 chord
dont tell no lie, it sho is blues I'm singin
m'just a good man a feelin down..

-tavo vega 9-21-09
Aka Willie B. Gentle

btw..thanks for the inspiration..I'm gonna go record that in double drop D[b]

I know this is breaking all race and geography rules, but The Black Keys make some pretty sweet blues music, with pounding drums and heavy fuzzed out guitar, for two white boys from Akron, OH. They even throw in some Junior Kimbrough, Muddy Waters, and R.L. Burnside covers. Dan Auerbach also has a solo album with some good tunes.

I think your can interchange the fruit with animals especially canine types (ie "Blind Wolf Thompson"). I might have to look through some of the stuff I've written. I know I have some blues inspired stuff somewhere.