I need to voice how this subject affects me. PLEASE READ and take to heart

If you have ever had a hand raised to you by a partner...THAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. That is AN ABUSER. Abusers DO NOT CHANGE. They apologize and wait until the smoke clears to try it again. And unless you leave, they will repeat that behavior again and again. A restraining order WILL NOT keep that fist from making contact with you. It might not even get the police to help once the blows have happened.

DO YOU REALLY NEED TO END UP BEATEN TO DEATH TO UNDERSTAND THIS?????? Or do you just need to spend YEARS being upset by their behavior? Do you need to have ANY MORE THAN ONE ASSAULT by this person to have all the justification you'll EVER need to leave??? The first assault SHOULD AND NEEDS TO BE THE LAST. If you stay, you thereby tell your abuser that it is OK to physically hurt you. They don't just physically hurt you, though. They emotionally hurt you. They sexually hurt you. They psychologically hurt you and SOMEHOW make you believe that DESPITE repeated offenses, that SOMEHOW they'll actually change and you'll be a happy couple or family again.

If you say to yourself "they aren't the person they used to be" that means that THEY ARE NOT THE PERSON THEY USED TO BE. They are NOW a monster, an abuser, an assaulter, a beater, a person who must make you feel inferior in order for them to feel superior.

Abusers do not change. They are not like cheaters who may learn their lesson. An abuser FEELS NO REMORSE FOR HURTING YOU UNTIL THEY ARE CAUGHT. WHEN THEY ARE CAUGHT, THE REMORSE THEY FEEL IS NOT FOR INFLICTING PAIN UPON YOU, BUT RATHER THAT THEY ARE SORRY THAT THEY DID IT AND GOT CAUGHT. If they were sorry, it wouldn't happen twice. And honestly, no one should chance it happening twice.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LEADS TO MURDER. Cold blooded MURDER. How many stories must you hear and read to understand that YOUR batterer IS NOT THE EXCEPTION!!

Most abusers are fueled with drugs and alcohol. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR THAT BEHAVIOR. That just shows how disrespectful they are of your care. IT DOES NOT EXCUSE THEM FROM THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK. Whether under the influence or not, an assault is an assault is an assault. If your abuser IS under the influence, this also inhibits their ability to maintain self control. IF YOUR ABUSER IS UNDER THE INFLUENCE, THEY MAY NOT REALIZE THAT THEY HAVE ACTUALLY BEATEN YOU TO DEATH UNTIL YOU ARE VERY CLEARLY DEAD. This doesn't do you much good, now does it? You do not need to be beaten to death to find out just how far the abuse will go. There aren't many abusers who are psychotic enough to inflict this sort of harm without being under the influence. Those who are prove to be mentally unfit for society and should be terminated immediately, because they are no less of a threat when sober. JUST BECAUSE THE THREAT OF YOUR ABUSER IS LESSENED WHEN THEY ARE SOBER DOES NOT TAKE AWAY THEIR ABILITY OR DRIVE TO HARM YOU.

PLEASE, I beg of all of you, PLEASE leave an abusive relationship, no matter how hard it might feel to leave because of emotional attachments, you will wish like nothing else that you had found that inner strength to leave when that fatal blow is on it's way. That last moment of clarity won't do you any good, nor will it do any good for the loved ones you leave behind to grieve your hideous murder. LEAVE AND NEVER TURN BACK. Your children will respect you when they are old enough to appreciate the care you took in protecting their lives from abuse. They will understand that your abuser COULD NOT and WOULD NOT be tolerated, and that you would not DARE allow your child(ren) for one single moment of their lives to believe that being abused is in any way, shape or form, the least bit tolerable. By choosing to stay and tolerate the abuse, that is saying in some way, shape or form that abuse is tolerable, even in the smallest way. There needs to be a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on abuse, and there should not be a single reason you can find to justify it.

NEVER JUSTIFY ABUSE. NEVER TOLERATE ABUSE. YOUR LIFE IS MORE THAN WORTH IT.

Please read the tragic fate of a young mother murdered at the hands of her abuser:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2009/07/15/MNRJ18OG9S.DTL

DO NOT EVER TAKE ONE MORE MOMENT TO GAMBLE ON YOUR ABUSER TAKING YOUR LIFE. If you feel it's unlikely, that means it's not impossible. If you have had a hand raised to you even once, it's no longer impossible. Stay safe, live happy, and be strong.


Thank you HDVDL and its members for reading this and taking this to heart on the most serious and real of levels.
~Fuz **Domestic Violence SURVIVOR**

Very elequently put, Fuz, people need to hear this, once abuse takes place theres no going back, the relationship that once was is gone, replaced with power and control. And its also abuse of the children who have to witness and live through this. Well said and thanks for posting Fuz.